To be HUMAN means
to be IMPERFECT
To a small child, a toddler's
larger than life parents know everything, can do anything,
are always right and therefore are perfect. Children
who are taught that everyone, including parents, teachers
make mistakes can feel free to grow up trying to do
their best and to take calculated risks without fearing
failure.
• Don't demand perfection in your toddler. Expecting
more than your toddler can deliver can be daunting,
discouraging and damaging to the self-esteem. Expectations
about behavior, skills, grasping power should be age-appropriate
and tailored according to child's ability and temperament.
However that does not mean that you should set low expectations;
children who are not required to meet challenges and
take risks usually fail to learn self-discipline. They
are denied the ego-boost that comes with awareness.
• Don't hide your mistakes from your toddler.
It is important for children to see that parents aren't
infallible and that they are willing to accept it. When
you lose your temper or forget to buy your toddler's
favorite fruit or toy, admit you have goofed and apologize.
You are also setting an example with your behavior of
apologizing where it is due.
• Don't demand perfection of yourself; there is
no such thing as perfect parents. Forgive yourself when
you do not live up to your own expectations. Most of
us make mistakes fairly often as parents. We need to
recognize mistakes, learn from them and move on.
• Forgive your child's mistakes fully and completely.
Provide unconditional acceptance. Never withdraw affection
because your toddler made a mistake or achievements
fell short. The occasional outburst over a messy mistake
is only human; just make sure your toddler is aware
that your love never wavers even when your temper does.
Children who feel free to risk making mistakes, who
don't feel pressured to be perfect actually perform
at higher levels than those who are always worried about
the need to achieve perfection. They also grow up feeling
better about themselves and are less likely to suffer
from a lack of self-esteem, less likely to turn to substance
abuse, less likely to suffer severe depression.
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