Another Baby on the Way

Every pregnancy is different. If this is your second or third pregnancy, expect the experience to be different from the very first time you were expecting your baby. Subsequent pregnancies hold different challenges both emotionally and physically. In some ways it becomes easier since you are treading on familiar grounds so you know what to expect. But along with the familiar, there may be some surprises lying ahead that didn't happen with you during your first pregnancy.

Your child(ren)'s reaction(s)..

Mixed reactions to a sibling are very normal. Where once your child had your sole attention, now that attention is about to get shared with another. New babies understandably take up a lot of the mother's time and energy. The mother will not be able to attend to her older child as she did before. Sometimes the mother tends to become overwhelmingly protective towards the first child because she herself is unsure of her child's reactions to the newborn. If your first child is a baby herself, she won't be able to articulate her feelings. With an older child the mother is able to talk about the baby - someone to love and look after. The older sibling should be made to feel involved and play the role of the older sibling in helping out. With the older child and the toddler, the mother should spend as much time as possible so that feelings of insecurity do not creep in later on. If you have plans to hire help, now is the time for the maid to forge ties with your older child. With the other baby on the way, it is also important for the father and child to bond and become closer and to enjoy each other's company for longer periods. Efforts put in now will pay off when the baby is born as the older child will understand her own special place in the family.

Your partner's reaction..

Your partner may not be as excited as when you were expecting your first kid. He may be preoccupied or seem totally distracted. His lack of involvement or disinterest can stem from the extra burden of responsibility or financial pressure now that the family is expanding. The thrill and excitement of the initial pregnancy is simply missing and this can be downright disappointing for the mother-to-be. Discuss your feelings so that you are able to understand the importance of what is being felt by each other.

Other people's reactions..

Where your first pregnancy was greeted with enthusiasm, excitement and delight, the second or third time round may not evoke such a response. Sometimes when the pregnancy is after a short interval or if you already have 3 kids or more, people tend to either criticize or react with empathy. Well meaning friends may wonder how you are going to manage your lot while others will feel doubtful about your abilities with the extra load. This can be quite discouraging, especially if the pregnancy wasn't a planned one.

Find the time to Relax..

With another child in the family, you will have to make time to relax. Pregnancy as it is can be very tiring. The first time around you had the luxury to look after yourself better by resting in the day, eating right and on time or even pampering yourself occasionally by visiting the spa, with minimal planning. Now with a family, you may find yourself neglecting your nutrition, your relaxation time, in short yourself. With your time divided into many small roles that routine demands, you will start to feel guilty and even insecure about the little baby growing inside of you and how you are going to cope once he arrives. Try talking to other mothers about your feelings of inadequacy. If guilt is worrying you, try and organize yourself, your life with the help of a calendar so that self-neglect lessens. Enlist help. Get a part-time or a full-time helper to help around with chores so that you get the break that you deserve.

Self-Care

Since every pregnancy is different, a new pregnancy may have its own aches and discomforts not experienced by the mother before. Backache associated with bad posture is quite common as many mothers have the tendency of lifting the bigger child and going about the household chores with little care. Chances of feeling and looking the part of a pregnant woman are more apparent this time round. This is due to bad posture, fatigue and also the stretching of the already stretched uterus, an outcome of previous pregnancy. Chances of neglecting your health and well being are more the case in this pregnancy than the previous. If your appearance is putting you off, enlist help to make the improvements. For instance there are exercises that help improve posture. Take time to do some light exercises (approved by your doctor) everyday. Take the opportunity to pamper yourself. Ask your partner for a massage or attend massage sessions. Pay attention to your meals, your nutrition. This pregnancy like the previous one demands that you take good care of your health and fitness. Attend your antenatal check ups on time.

The Obvious Differences..

• Baby's first movements can be felt as early as weeks 16 to 18 or even earlier while initial movements were felt a little later in the first pregnancy. This has probably got to do with the fact that you are more of an veteran now
• With a first pregnancy, lightning or engagement occurs in the last few weeks before delivery while in subsequent pregnancies lightning takes place during labor
• Because your abdominal muscles are more lax now and your uterine muscles have been stretched before, you can expect to start showing earlier. In fact some mothers comment that they get into their maternity clothes even before entering the second trimester
• You are likely to feel more tired this time round since you are busy with your toddler or preschooler. Things are definitely more hectic when you have another kid around
• Since second time mothers are more likely to be in their thirties, they need to pay more attention to the more likely complications that can develop in the older pregnant woman: gestational diabetes, preeclampsia, hypertension, toxemia, multiple gestation, and others.
• You will find yourself obsessing less about what to expect and worrying over the trifles as you did when you were pregnant the first time round
• There are no guarantees but your second labor may be shorter this time round. For example the average length of the pushing stage lessens; the cervical dilation is 1.5cm every hour instead of 1.2. Once again, no guarantees!
• The 'afterpains' are going to be more intense this time round after you have your baby. Uterine contractions you could probably afford to ignore after your first pregnancy may require pain medication this time round after you deliver. The contractions can be compared to those experienced during labor.