The ABC's of P's and Q's
Toddlers who get a head start in etiquette
have an excellent chance of growing up well-mannered.
Children need to learn how to stand up for their rights
and at the same time learn to consider and respect the
feelings and rights of others. Start your toddler on
the road to civility now with the following tips:
Lay the right foundation:
Teaching manners isn't just about knowing your 'please's'
and 'thank-you's', knowing when to sit and when to stand
or using the right cutlery at the dinner table. Good
manners is the consideration you show towards others;
in other words minding your p's and q's should mean
that you care and not that you are simply well-bred.
To raise a well-mannered child you need to teach them
the 'why' of good manners along with the 'how'. The
objective is to teach manners that come from the heart
(you give up your seat for the elderly on the bus because
he needs to sit more than you do and not because that
is what you are supposed to do). A child who is raised
to be kind grows up to be courteous.
Set an example:
The best way to teach manners is to display them yourself.
So say thank you to the shopkeeper; say please to the
cashier; excuse me when you bump into someone; chew
with your mouth closed. Most important of all, say 'please',
'sorry' and 'thank you' to your toddler whenever the
occasion merits it. To teach respect and consideration
to your little one, respect and consider your toddler's
feelings at all times.
Speak for your toddler:
Toddlers don't know how to say good bye or thanks on
the many occasions where it is necessary, so it is up
to you to say it for them. Hearing you repeat the words
over and over in social situations at home or away from
home instills in them the importance of using such lingo.
This works better instead of nagging at them; nagging
or prodding can be annoying and humiliating to the toddler.
He or she can grow more reluctant to say what is expected.
Occasional reminders are fine.
Keep the pressure off:
Children who are nagged about their manners or are punished
for not saying thank you may either learn manners quickly
or reject them altogether. Either way they won't feel
positive about manners and are likely to ignore them
whenever you are not in sight.
Keep the reminders on:
pressure isn't right but reminders are. When you are
alone and your kid forgets to say the magic words, ask
her what is the magic word? If you get the appropriate
response, fine; if not fill in the blank for your child.
You have at least emphasized the importance in a pleasant
way.
Listen to your toddler:
Children who are listened to make better listeners and
being a good listener is an important part of being
a polite person.
Have age-appropriate
expectations:
For example, messy eating is part of toddlerhood. The
same goes for social graces or rather the lack of it
- from being able to say thank you to being willing
to share, it will take many years of etiquette exposure
before your child becomes mannerful. Your perseverance
will earn you the compliment one day when someone remarks
on the wonderful manners your child has.
