All about Sharing


To a toddler, there is only mine. Just beginning to grasp the concept of ownership, the toddler has not grasped that it can apply to others. Their ownership extends to other people's stuffs besides their own possessions. Even things that belong to everyone like the bus or the slide in the playground may be viewed possessively. Possessiveness at this age is not a sign of selfishness; it is just another normal manifestation of the toddler's need to establish his identity, to test boundaries and stand up for his rights. It is a necessary step on the road to sharing. Unless they are allowed to enjoy ownership, they have difficulty learning to share; owning comes long before sharing on their developmental scale. They don't learn to share until they are three or four. Another road block to sharing during toddler days is the concept of lending and borrowing. They feel that once you let a friend use something of yours, you are giving up that item for good. When a toddler offers something to a crying friend or his tired mum, he is most likely doing it out of empathy rather than generosity. Sometimes when the toy is accepted, it bothers the child as he was just showing it off rather than sincerely offering it. Just as it is natural for your toddler to object to sharing, it is also natural for you to want your toddler to learn how to share.



Build your toddler's self-esteem:

Insecure children have a much harder time learning to share; they often hoard things and use their possessions to bolster their feelings about themselves.



Don't force your toddler to share:

Pushing a child to share implies that you consider his needs less significant than others. At this sensitive stage of development, your toddler needs to feel important. They need to feel that some things are theirs and theirs alone. Added to this, teaching them to share teaches them nothing about generosity; when they comply, it's only because they are doing as they are told.



Introduce the concept of other people's ownership:

Toddlers need to learn that some things belong to others in the group or to everybody (toys at the nursery, flowers in the garden) and that some things belong to other people (your books, his brother's truck). They also need to learn to take turns on the slide, wait for their turn for an empty swing and they cannot grab another child's tricycle. Promote these rules often; be understanding yet firm. If you face resistance, you may have to bodily remove them from the scene.



Acknowledge that sharing is hard:

Instead of scolding, understand your child's perspective. Such understanding will help your child overcome a reluctance to share sooner. You can also help your child empathize with his friend by explaining how sad that child feels since your toddler is not sharing his blocks with her.




Don't share for your toddler:

Show that you recognize that your toddler's toys belong to him; always ask permission before offering them to his friend. If permission isn't granted, don't insist. In the long run this respect will encourage generosity and your toddler will less likely guard his possessions jealously.



Introduce lending and borrowing:

Explain that when you lend something, you get it back; when you borrow something you will have to give back. Look for opportunities to illustrate this in your daily life. Let your toddler borrow your glasses and then ask for them back. Point out that when children play with the swing at the playground, they don't take it home with them; when they play with the puzzles at their friend's house they don't take them home. They are just borrowing them for a while.



Share with your toddler:

The best way for your toddler to learn is from you. Make a point of sharing with your toddler often; offer a piece of your cake or bread from your plate or juice from your glass. Explain this is yours but you like sharing it with her. Play sharing games. Sharing with you will be less threatening than sharing with their peers and helps prepare your toddler for picking up this invaluable practice.



Compliment every effort:

Whenever your toddler agrees to share, commend and praise her. Try to help your toddler understand that sharing makes play time more fun and makes it more rewarding. With time, experience and your guidance, children start to realize that sharing makes play sessions more fun and that squabbling is a waste of time. This is often realized sooner for kids who are in contact with their peers at a more frequent pace whether in a playgroup situation or in some form of school.