Building Self-Esteem
Toddlers may be sure of what they want, but they
are unsure of who they are. Studies show that children
who learn self worth in the early days grow up believing
in those values about themselves; they don't need
to rely on others opinion or approval; they have
rewarding relationships; are able to handle peer
pressure; are able to reject self-destructive habits.
For your child to attain self-esteem, you need to
build the developmental bricks one at a time and
this phase will go smoothly with your help and support.
Unconditional love
and attention:
The no-strings kind of love that says 'I love you
no matter what' is very necessary and a basic requirement
for a child to receive from his parents, so lay
on the love. Your toddler needs your regular attention
in order to thrive. Talk to your child; really listen
when your toddler talks. Don't ignore their needs
although you cannot fulfill them; avoid constantly
using 'I am busy, later...'excuse.
Provide the space:
Constantly hovering, always advising or assisting
your child can squash self-motivation. Your toddler
will grow dependant on you for answers to questions
and solutions to problems rather than trying to
self-discover. Along with that, the satisfaction
and confidence that comes with meeting challenges
are compromised as well. By playing by themselves
they will learn that they can be independent and
don't have to look to others for entertainment.
Hold your toddler
in high esteem:
Your toddler's self-esteem depends on the esteem
you and others show for him; make your child feel
valued, one whose thoughts, feelings, desires are
given importance and never ridiculed. Show your
child respect by being there for him instead of
putting your social life, work, religious life,
household chores before his needs. This is especially
difficult for single parents but necessary.
Hold yourself in
high esteem:
Avoid degrading yourself, doubting your judgment,
and indulging in self-destructive activities. Toddlers
get inspired to think likewise by parents who think
well of themselves.
Don't compare:
Your toddler is unique; drawing comparisons in behavior,
development, temperament, eating habits or anything
else to playmates, siblings, the child next door
is unfair. Negative comparisons (why can't you be
more like your sister?) and positive comparisons
(you are simply the smartest boy around!) can prove
to be detrimental in different ways. You are either
raising low self-esteemed kids or unbearable, arrogant
brats. In the case of the latter, the child can
become unpopular with his arrogant ways with their
peers, which ultimately weakens his inner core of
self-esteem. Accept your toddler for who he is and
he will be more likely to accept himself.
Watch your lingo:
Be careful to not use derogatory terms or labels
even in jest. Such taunts can be taken seriously
by the sensitive toddler. Avoid reprimanding with,
"you always.." or "you never.." as this is not a
fair way to deal with toddlers wrongdoings. Avoid
stirring up guilt with lines that cut, "if it weren't
for your illness, we could have gone for that holiday".
Balance your expectations:
Pushing your child to achieve early - to speak in
clear sentences or to be nappy-free or recognize
numbers doesn't imply he will accomplish the desired
goal any earlier. In fact not meeting your expectations
can make your child feel like a failure. Expecting
too little can also affect adversely as it gives
your toddler no incentive to do his best. Having
expectations that meet your child's age and ability
and at the same time are realistically challenging
will aid in building self-esteem.
Avoid confusion:
Different rules can create confusion; allowing your
child to roam free while eating one day and restricting
the child to a high chair the next day can be confusing.
A child feels confident and secure when he knows
what to expect. In other words, staying consistent
with a toddler is important.
Making
decisions:
It is not realistic to offer your child a choice
on everything; if you did, bedtime would be anytime;
dinner would be chocolates and fries. It is feasible
to give your toddlers choices when it makes sense
as this would give your child an early practice
in decision making. Not only is it necessary for
your toddler to be prepared to make decisions, it
is also a necessary ingredient in the construction
of his self-esteem. When offering choices, don't
give too many options (four choices for dinner)
as this can confuse and even frustrate your toddler,
causing indecision.
Make room for mistakes:
Making decisions can mean making mistakes sometimes;
it is a part of the learning process. By removing
opportunities for making mistakes, you are taking
away her opportunity to learn from them. If your
toddler's decision wasn't the right one, don't criticize.
Instead remind your child and yourself that everyone
makes mistakes and it is okay.
Validate your toddler's
feelings:
Accept his feelings as you have accepted his personality,
talents and abilities. Difficult emotions like anger
and jealousy should also be accepted as being part
of his nature. Teach your toddler to express these
emotions in socially acceptable ways rather than
criticizing him; this will make your child more
comfortable with his feelings of all kinds and hence
with himself.
Criticize the action
not the child:
Children need to know that parents won't love them
less if they make mistakes or misbehave. Show disapproval
of what your child has done rather than of her.
Instead of saying "you are so naughty", say "it
is wrong to hit". Constantly taunting your child
can undermine her self-esteem. Avoid cruel and inhuman
physical punishment including smacking and punishments
that embarrass (scolding her in front of her friends),
intimidate (threats to call the police) or belittle
your child.
Put your toddler
to work:
Make your little one your little helper; assign
her chores to feel useful. You are showing her that
you have confidence in her abilities and this in
turn increases her self worth. Once she is confident
don't erode her confidence by criticizing her if
she is slow or clumsy. Don't overload her with tasks
she cannot handle; offer her your help when she
needs it.
Go slow:
Since they are new at it, toddlers seem to take
forever when getting jobs done. What you can get
done in a jiffy, takes your child a long time. Don't
barrage your struggling child with "hurry-up" comments.
Taking over the job shows you don't have confidence
in your child and that is only going to affect his
esteem. When you find yourself pressed for time,
skip the nagging and speed up the process with a
challenge to see who can finish first, be it brushing
teeth or undressing.
Nourish the body:
Hungry kids, tired kids become frustrated kids when
they don't get things right. They have a hard time
working and playing and such feelings damage their
esteem. To compound matters, negative reactions
to their tantrums can worsen the situation.
Make success easy:
Make your house toddler-friendly; put your toddler's
things within reach. His book-shelf, the shoe rack,
toy cupboard should be at his level so he can reach
for them when he has to or wants to. Clothes that
are easy to wear and take off; toys that are challenging
but within your toddler's grasp help bolster his
self-worth.
