Clashes
between the generations on the subject of child
rearing are very common; to minimize the impact
of intergenerational clashes on al three generations
involve:
Encourage family
togetherness but to a point:
Grandparents who see too much of their grandchildren
(they are compelled to be babysitters) or too little
of them (once a month or whenever convenient) and
therefore feel excluded are more likely to be difficult
to deal with. Discuss with them what would feel
right for them and for you and come up with a plan
that is comfortable for all. If both parties have
busy lifestyles that leave very little time for
grandparent-grandchild closeness, find a remedy
for the problem: regular Sunday afternoons, religious
services together, a walk to the park, taking trips
together. On the other hand, some grandparents may
feel the burden of having to mind small kids at
their age although they may not express so. Show
consideration by keeping some domestic help to help
around the house and help take care of the child
as well with the grandparents functioning as guardians
not babysitters.
Accept the possibilities
for disagreements:
You may either differ on various issues or seem
to disagree on everything. The odds are high that
you will disagree on something with your parents
or in-laws. To avoid constant bickering on child
rearing issues, be firm yet diplomatic about knowing
what is best for your child. Explain to your seniors
that they did a fabulous job raising their own kids
and now you are confident of doing the same with
your own child. Tell them nicely that you are willing
to consider their suggestions but that you will
also rely on external sources for and your own instincts
when making choices.
Be flexible:
Toddlers like children are capable of dealing with
different house rules in different houses. Before
long they will learn that at Grandpa's house you
can't put your feet on the sofa (like you can at
home) but you can watch TV after lunch (something
that is not allowed at home). As long as it is nothing
major, don't fret and allow the grandparents some
leeway. If it threatens your peace of mind (too
many candies), think before becoming irrational.
Calmly explain why this rule is very important to
you and that their respecting it would mean a lot
to you too.
Don't take offence:
It is never easy to accept unsolicited child-care
advice gracefully. Comments on the minor issues
such as 'baby needs a sweater', 'allow the baby
to bite on apple slices' etc from your mother or
mother in-law may tip your balance. Instead of viewing
these advices as insults and creating tensions,
accept them as well meaning counsel from your elders
who care. Use what you can and let the rest go.
Be open to learning:
Even if your parenting style differs completely,
that doesn't mean you cannot learn a thing or two
from your toddler's grandparents. Always listen
to what they have to say with an open mind and be
quick to let them know when you think they are making
sense about something as you are when you think
they are wrong.
Educate grandparents:
Some decades ago, thumb sucking was considered a
sign of emotional distress; today it is considered
a normal self-comforting habit. Today a cold is
known to be caused because of a virus versus then,
when cold was thought to be due to going out without
hat and mittens. Child care and health care practices
have changed so much over the years so it is likely
that the average grandparent has not kept up with
these changes. Encourage them to be in the know
by reading up child care and contemporary parenting
books.
Get a second opinion:
If the grandparents opinions leave you feeling in
doubt of your own parenting skills, get advice from
your doctor or read up books to reinforce your own
beliefs. The more you know, the more confident you
will be when standing by your decisions.
