Right and Wrong
It is their parents a toddler looks up to when unsure
about something. Its their parents to tell them
that is ok to play with the toy in the waiting room
of the clinic; it is the parents who tell who prod
them to say thank you to their aunty for the new
shoes; it is their parents who remind them to say
good bye to their neighbor when leaving for school.
According to research, young children are motivated
to behave morally by self-interest and fear of negative
consequences. In the next stage moral behavior is
based on a desire for approval, a respect for higher
authority and an understanding for the maintenance
of social order. It is not until the teen years
does true sensitivity to the needs of others or
a real concept of justice and fairness develop.
Just because it is too soon to expect consistent
ethical behavior from your toddler doesn't imply
that its too soon to start imparting such values;
if you wait until your child is old enough to understand
the philosophy of right and wrong, you have waited
too long.
Explain that actions
have consequences:
While it is important to tell your toddler it is
wrong to throw the block at his friend, it is also
important to add the reason why it is wrong. While
it is important to tell your toddler that it is
right to wait for your turn instead of pushing through
the queue, it is also important to add why it is
right. Developing empathy is key to developing a
conscience.
Don't lecture or
preach:
A simple explanation will do. And remember, you
are here to guide and not to judge.
Ask the right questions:
Involve your toddler from the start in his own moral
education; stimulate thinking about the consequences
of actions. When you have read a book on morals,
explain in your own simple way so that your toddler
can understand. Ask for your toddler's point of
view when a character in a story or program has
done something obviously right or wrong.
Fault behavior not
people:
Don't shame your toddler or make her feel bad or
inadequate for failing to do something right; criticize
the behavior not the child. Guide your toddler to
evaluate the behavior of others as well.
Set a conscientious
example:
An ounce of example vastly outweighs a pound of
instruction; let your conscience be your toddler's
guide for the time being. Eventually your child
will develop a conscience of her own.
