Giving comfort to children is
as basic and essential a part of parenting as giving
nourishment; your child needs adequate amounts of
both in order to thrive. Much of the comfort comes
naturally to mothers in the form of a quick hug,
a touch of the lips or the brushing away of the
tears. Usually that works but on some occasions
more is needed to make your toddler feel ok again
- a little extra thought, effort and time is required
to drive the blues out of the door, particularly
as he grows older and more complex.
Be aware of your
power:
To a two or three year old, you are omnipotent;
for now your reassuring words and loving touch carry
a lot of weight. When you cradle your toddler in
your arms and say, "everything will be just fine",
she will magically feel reassured. That is why your
brand of comfort is the best medicine for whatever
that is bothering your baby - be it physical or
emotional.
Be calm in the storm:
Nothing upsets like an upset parent; nothing alarms
a child more than a parent who is alarmed. So though
it is natural for you to feel your child's pain,
it is best if you learn to disguise it. You will
be more effective in handling a hurt child if you
remain calm and if this calm is transmitted in your
words, tone of voice and facial expressions and
body language, your child will pick up on those
vibes. Toddlers whose parents don't overreact are
able to pick themselves up after a fall.
Don't pretend there
is no storm either:
You shouldn't ignore your child's pain totally either,
especially when it is an emotional pain. Toddlers
are small and vulnerable; to them everything is
big including their pain. By dismissing their problems
as something trivial all the time, you are conveying
that their feelings don't count and that can hurt
in the long run.
Comfort conditionally:
Children deserve consolation when injured even if
their behavior has been less than desirable. Comfort
your child even after they fall off from an off
limits chair or swing.
Lend a listening
ear:
Encourage your child to talk about his pain or feelings
even if his communication is unclear and halting.
Although it is difficult to decipher what he is
trying to communicate during times of stress, your
efforts to recognize and validate your child's feelings
will be something he will appreciate.
Listen but don't
lecture:
Toddlers need your support not your lectures. Be
aware though that too much of sympathy can turn
your child into a dependant, self-pitying kid.
Don't try to make
everything better:
If your child broke his toy car, it is ok to sympathize
but it is not a good idea to buy a new one immediately.
If children don't learn from their mistakes, they
are likely to repeat them over and over again.
